Cake Day!

You know,

All week long I eat very healthy.
Ridiculously healthy.
Boringly healthy.

But have I forgotten my favourite delicious foods?!?

ARE YOU CRAZY?!?

So, on Sunday, I loosen up a little, and I make something that I LURV.

AND I LOVE CAKE!

I FREAKING LOVE CAKE!!!

But not just any old cake.  It has to be GOOD CAKE.  You go ahead and make your boxed cake mix cake, and still call it cake.  Fine....for you.

I'm talking about light, fluffy delicious cake that tastes like butter and sugar and vanilla, with a fluffy, sugary, buttery icing.

THAT is what I want.  And I wanted that stupid cake ALL WEEK.

But why make just any old cake?

Why not make...

BLUE CAKE!!!

Actually, that was totally The Man's idea.  I held out for a long time, because--blue cake?  What?  Am I FIVE?  No.  I am not.  I am a grown woman.

Meh.  He wore me down.

But WHO CARES ?!?  IT'S CAKE!  CAAAAAAAKE!  WONDERFUL SWIRLY ICING AND SUGAR-CRAMMED HEAVENLY CREATION!!!!

CAKE, CAKE, CAKE, CAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!



TAKE A BITE...

DO YOU HEAR THE MUSIC???

YOU ARE EATING CAAAAAAAAAAKE

WHO CARES ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE EXCEPT SWEET, DELICIOUS
CAKE



There's only one little problem...you never eat that way usually...

...and you're FORTY now...

One good-sized slice of cake now equals immediate gut-rot.

Sorry.




Whoo! That was boring.

Queen Of Lies

As a parent, it is my duty, to sometimes tell...

lies.

Yes, we don't like it, but sometimes we must.
Sometimes we must even create completely ridiculous, totally outrageous UN-TRUTHS.


Take the other day for instance:

The Man was away for work, so we went and picked up a pizza.

and as we're walking back to the car, the "FIGHT TWINS" can NOT STOP FIGHTING.


BIG SURPRISE.

I try to just ignore it, but it only ever gets WORSE.


So, I do what I do best...

As IF  I ever would.  I just paid for it, and I was hungry too.

But I don't have to tell THEM that.

Whoo! That was boring.

Dress karen For Winter!

Brrr! It's cold outside and karen has to go pick up the kids from school (whether she likes it or not)!


Help karen get dressed for winter!

WHO THE HELL IS THAT  ?!?



Whoo! That was boring.

My Cat Is Mental Part 2

You remember how my cat Loki is insane, right?

Well, not only does she follow me around all day and either STARE at me, or MEOW at me until I want to LOSE IT, she does other super annoying things as well.

She is OBSESSED with her water dish.

OBSESSED.

She has to do this stupid thing that drives me crazy ALL THE TIME.

This cat is no dummy.  She KNOWS it drives me crazy.

So, she's verrry sneaky...


If she thinks I might be watching, she creeps up to her water dish verrrrry slooooowly...and then she drinks and drinks and drinks and drinks until  FINALLY--

SHE PUTS HER FREAKING PAWS IN HER WATER!

YES! SHE STANDS IN HER WATER DISH!  ALL THE TIME!  AND IF I'M NOT THERE, SHE FLICKS WATER ALL OVER THE FLOOR UNLESS I CATCH HER IN THE ACT!!!


AND THEN I FLIP OUT AND SHE SCRAMBLES AWAY LIKE A CRAZY CAT LEAVING A GREAT MESS IN HER WAKE

It happens ALL THE TIME.  If it just happened occasionally, would I care?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  But no.  The cat is a compulsive MANIAC.

We're always stepping in little puddles of water!!!

I have a sixth sense.

FOR EVERYTHING IN THIS HOUSE.

ARRRRRRRRGH!!!!!

This is why the cats' water dish is always like THIS:

All the time.

All the freaking time.





Whoo! That was boring.

Ella's Spa

My girlie is so funny.

She loves to give me back massages, and recently she wanted to create her own home SPA and paint my fingernails.

With a teeny bit of reluctance I agreed to an "appointment."

So, she got her markers and whipped up a sign:

It couldn't just be "Ella's Spa."  No.  That doesn't sound chic enough.  It had to be "Le Ella's Spa," and it had to be pronounced "LEE ELLAAAA SPAAA."

She stuck that thing to the bathroom door with a piece of green painter's tape because that's the only freaking tape left in the house, because kids LOVE tape and if a roll of tape comes into the house, it's better than any toy or present, and they use that tape until it is GONE.

Ahem.

Okay, so let's THINK about this.  The KID is going to paint my nails.

The super clumsy kid.

I chose the palest, barely-a-hint-of-colour nail polish

because I  am not a total idiot.

We sat at the kitchen table, and I put my hand on a magazine.

I was wicked tired from working out, getting the kids to and from school, doing dishes, doing laundry, putting out the trash because The Man was away on business, making dinner, making snacks, etc, etc, etc, so actually, it was very soothing in Le Ella's Spa.

I didn't even care that kids basically STINK at painting nails, and she was slapping that stuff on with abandon:  dripping it everywhere, and basically coating the tips of my FINGERS.

Meh.  Whatever.

Whoo! That was boring.

The Difference Between 20 and 40

TWENTY

FORTY

ADVANTAGE:  40 YEAR OLD KAREN

Whoo! That was boring.

Horrible Thief

Well,

ages ago,

among other times,

I bought my girlie a chocolate bar, and advised her to ration it.

and believe it or not, she actually DID.



That thing sat on the counter for what felt like FOREVER.

Tormenting me.

Singing its sweet, chocolatey,

melt-in-your-mouth

siren song.

And you know EXACTLY what it would taste like,

so you have chocolate-devouring FANTASIES.


But then one day...

when there are only THREE SQUARES LEFT...

you CONVINCE yourself that OBVIOUSLY the kid forgot about them.

And then you DECIDE that you have every  right to eat it.

What the hell?  Who does all the work around here?
Who makes the dinners and lunches and snacks?
Who makes sure everyone has clean underpants all the time?

And anyways...looks like she forgot about those last three squares.

So you GOBBLE THEM UP!

And then, a day later...

Holy crap.  What have you done?!?


You tell the kid YOU ATE HER CHOCOLATE.

She CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!



And even worse:

SHE'S HEARTBROKEN!



But then, she's ANGRY


She gives you a GOOD lecture, in a very stern tone.

And then she never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever lets you forget it, forever after.


Every time a new piece of chocolate comes into the house, she makes sure you remember.

Guess you learned your lesson!



Whoo! That was boring.